Dating after divorce is like washing down antibiotics with alcohol. It probably won’t kill you and it’s really tempting, but it will mess you up for a while. Get yourself well before reaching for that drink. Here are a few tips to get you on track.
Tip #1
Know your role in what caused the divorce. Be a man and own your mistakes and learn from them. The older you get, the more mistakes you’ve made in life and it will either turn you into a bitter old man or you will learn from them and these life lessons will turn you into a better man. The choice is yours but a good woman will prefer the man who has learned from his experience and can turn it into wisdom.
Tip #2
The longer you wait to date after separation or divorce, the more emotionally ready you will be to enter a relationship and the less red flags you will be flying. You’ll be much more content in the long run to fix those red flags yourself than having to listen to someone trying to fix you.
Tip #3
There are some risks in dating during your separation such as the economic cost and the effect it will have on your relationship with your children. If you have moved on and she hasn’t, dating will likely make your divorce more contentious leading to more court battles and possible turn a no-fault divorce into a much more expensive fault divorce. You also risk a custody battle, reduced visitation rights, and increased spousal support. Those hard feelings you have created could make co-parenting more difficult if you have an ex that is seeking revenge.
Tip #4
Your behavior during separation and during your divorce will be judged. You may or may not care what people think about what you are doing, but before your divorce is finalized, your divorce will be granted by a judge. Like it or not, judges will judge. That’s their job and it would be unwise to engage in behavior that you wouldn’t want to tell a judge so there are things to consider to help the outcome of those proceedings lean in your favor.
Some don’ts to consider
- Do not date while living in the same home as your soon-to-be ex
- Neglect your children. Your desire for a relationship shouldn’t be at the expense of your kids
- Get your new partner pregnant
- Spend too much money on a new partner
- Move in with a new partner
If you want to settle your divorce quickly, it is in your best interest to keep things as amicable as possible and keep your interactions civil. If your separation is amicable and your situation would allow you to start dating, take things slow, and keep it low key. Date in a group or social events and keep it off social media. You will likely trigger a reaction and your soon-to-be ex may spread her misery to you.
In the long run, you will not regret waiting to get your house in order and fix yourself before jumping into a new relationship. Good women are looking for good men but better men attract better women, and the best women are attracted to the best men.